15 weeks

Ok, not quite.  But tomorrow will officially be 15 weeks.  And boy, have I really popped.  There is no hiding this belly.  Now, maybe it’s the fact that I’m in a maternity dress in this pic, but man, I look way more than 14w4d here:

14w4d

That said, I love it! 🙂  I’m actually starting to “feel” pregnant.  And there’s certainly no denying it when I look in the mirror.  Or the scale.  So far, I’m up about 10 pounds or so – and that’s with eating pretty healthy and walking 3-4 times a week.  I sure hope I can keep that up or I’ll be a cow pretty soon!!

I broke down and finally went maternity clothes shopping this past weekend and I’m glad I did.  As you can probably see, there’s no way I’m getting my butt into regular clothes these days.  I can still get away with some of my sweats and yoga pants, but mostly, I’m in maternity clothes or dresses full time.   But this weekend, I hit the mother-load at Motherhood!!  I got some really great stuff for pretty decent prices.  The dress in the pic was a Motherhood find on the clearance rack for about $15.

So all is well and progressing just fine.  I do want to give a huge shout-out to fellow blogger The Road To Motherhood.  Please stop over and congratulate her on her pregnancy!!  She, like me, struggled with infertility but is now on her path to parenthood.  I wish all the best!

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13 weeks!!

Oy!  I knew I was going to be a bad blogger – lol.  I’ve been lax on the posting.  I’m just so dang tired when I get home.  Even going to the grocery store wears me out enough to require a nap afterwards.

But all in all, quiet at this point is a good thing.  I can’t believe I’m starting the second tri already – whew!  My nausea has pretty much subsided, though I have found that if I get too hungry or tired, it starts up again so I just have to watch that and make sure I’m eating every couple of hours.

We had our latest appointment this past Monday at 12w3d which included our NT scan.  From what the doc could see, all looks good, but we are still awaiting the results of my bloodwork for official word.  The u/s this week was absolutely amazing!!  He/she actually looks like a baby now.  The blob has morphed!  She was moving all over the place and bouncing around during the u/s.  At one point, she even threw up a hand and we could see all the little outstretched fingers.  I’m in LOVE! 🙂

I can’t wait to get the NT results back for true relief, but I was pretty encouraged by the doc’s comments.  I was so worried about this test.  Of course, now I’ve got my eyes on the 20 week u/s – yet another thing to be worried about!

But in the meantime, I’m beginning the daunting task of trying to learn about all things baby.  I’ve bought Baby Bargains, as recommended by some good friends.  It really is a great resource and huge help, especially to a first timer.

I promise to update again soon – and I have to catch up on all of my blogger friends posts too.  For now, I leave you with this…

12w3d!!

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Ultrasound Pics!!

Ok, so here they finally are.  The first pics of our little one!!

From blueberry:

6 Week u/s

To blob:

7w5d u/s

At our first 6 week u/s the baby’s heartbeat was 109bpm.  By 7w5d, it was up to a strong 169bpm!!!  We even got to hear it.  It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.

Tomorrow I have my last appointment with my RE and then I graduate to my regular OB!!  I can’t wait to see my LO again!!

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BLTs from Heaven

I love food.  Really.  But as much as I have always loved food and delighted in the first bite of a wonderful dish at a new restaurant, I have never known satisfaction like this.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, has ever tasted better than fulfilling a craving when your pregnant.  Very close to my starvation  point this afternoon (caused by inability to decide what I could/wanted to eat), it finally hit me.  A BLT.  Had to have it.  So I got it.  Sweet elixir of life!!  The BLT!!  It was the best tasting BLT of my life.

Of course, after nearly finishing it, I could no longer stand the sight of it, but that’s besides the point.  The first few moments with my BLT were heaven on earth.

Short of those few moments of food bliss, mostly I’m in a state of food confusion.  I don’t know what I want to eat.  Nothing is appealing.  I feel nauseous most of the day.  The rare moments when I don’t feel nauseous, I realize how starved I am and scarf down um…say, a BLT sandwich and then realize what a mistake scarfing is.  But I digress.

I will say that it helps to stick to lots of little snacking all day long.  Right now, all I want is fruit and cheese.  Meat is pretty much off the table (I do not count bacon as real meat) and chicken must stay further than 100 yards from my mouth.  Though I will say I did enjoy the heck out of a hot dog at Yankee stadium yesterday.  Surprisingly, that was delish!

Speaking of the stadium, I had a message displayed yesterday on the centerfield scoreboard at the stadium wishing my hubby and I a Happy Anniversary (today is our 7th!).  What a cool thing to see your names up there.  He was pretty psyched about it too.

So I know I’ve been a bit of a slacker-poster lately and that’s mostly because by the time I get home at night, I don’t want to do anything that even resembles work.  And that includes turning on my home computer.  I still need to post my ultrasound pics. 

We have another appt on Wednesday at 7w5d, so I will probably just post both sets of pics then (assuming I don’t fall asleep at my keyboard).  Wish me luck!  Hope to see my little blueberry again in a couple days 🙂

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6 weeks!!

Milestone #1.  I can’t believe it.  Honestly.  It’s still shocking to me that I’m actually pregnant.  I still feel like I’m waiting for my period to start any day now.

So today is our first ultrasound.  I am so excited and nervous!!  I hope we get wonderful news and I’d love to be able to hear a heartbeat today.

So far, I’m feeling pretty good.  Sea-bands are my lifesaver.  I’m feeling sorta generally nauseous for a good portion of the day, though it gets a little worse at night.  But all in all, I really can’t complain.  I do have some cramping that seems to be getting more frequent.  That can be a little scary.  But no blood = no problems I guess.

Wish me luck today!!  I can’t wait to post my first u/s pics later! 🙂

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Hellloooo Exhaustion

Sorry I’ve been MIA for a while.  Quite honestly, it seems I can’t find the energy to post anything.  The last couple of days have hit me like a ton of bricks.  I’d always heard of course that fatigue is one of the early symptoms of pregnancy but that warning just doesn’t quite cut it.

It feels more like an extended hangover.  You know that foggy, exhausted, slightly dizzy feeling after spending a liiittle too much time out the night before.  That’s what it’s like.  Except it doesn’t go away.  And sleeping doesn’t help.

Yesterday I thought I might fall asleep on my keyboard in the middle of my workday.  I decided to go for a long walk at lunch to try and wake myself up.  No good.  The day before I slept in my car during lunch.  No good.

So last night I went to bed around 8:30.  Something I haven’t done since I was about, oh, 8 years old.  I’m always real stubborn about bedtime.  I don’t know why, but I always want to stay up later than I know I should.  But last night I just couldn’t keep my eyes open.

I’m feeling a little better today.  This whole pregnancy thing is pretty damn scary.  Some days I feel crappy (which is good) and some days I feel great (which is bad).  Let me ‘splain.

This morning during one of my routine boob-pain checks, I noticed they didn’t hurt quite so bad.  I could even lay on my tummy without pain.  No cramps.  No nausea.  No food aversions.  That’s when panic set in.  Am I still pregnant?  Is something happening?  Of course, I quickly run to the bathroom to check for blood.  Nope nothing.  Don’t even feel pregnant.  But no blood is good, right?

I just hope and pray that next Friday at my first u/s, I see our little snowflake for the first time.  And maybe even hear his/her little heart fluttering away.  Little bean, I love you!!  Hang in there!!

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Second beta 207!!

Woot woot!  In just about 36 hours, my beta went from 67 to 207.  Estrogen and all other levels are good.  I have to continue taking Estrace until I’m about 8 weeks according to the RE (God willing I make it to that point).

I still don’t feel as if I’ve celebrated yet.  My DH and I haven’t hugged and cried and stared at my belly in disbelief.  I still feel scared.  I did have  a small revelation this morning though.  I have now officially missed my period.  I should have gotten it yesterday.  But it didn’t come.  Despite the beta numbers, I still half expected AF to show.  I guess I’ll have to save the ginormous box of tampons I just bought from Costco.

Despite my uncertainty, we are telling my mom the news at dinner tonight.  I’ve relied on her so much for support during our ttc struggles and she pretty much knows where we are in the process.  She’s been calling me twice a day for the last couple days for any “news.”  Tonight she will get some.

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First beta!

Well I got my first beta results yesterday and the number was 67!!  The nurse said anything over 50 at this stage of the game was good.  That blood was taken at 12 days post-IUI.  AF is actually due today.  But there’s no sign of her, though I’ll be keeping a lookout all day.

I went in for more blood work this morning and should have that beta number some time today.  I’m praying it doubles.  So far, I just feel like I’m in limbo.  It’s like there’s this crazy intense excitement somewhere within me, but it’s all caged up.  I can feel it so close to the surface, but I can’t let it out just yet.

I feel like any minute I might wake up from this dream.  Or it may be taken from me.  I’ve gone over every possibility in my head of what could go wrong.  I’m not sure when I’ll feel like I’m out of the woods.  But I hope as each day passes, it will become more real.  At some point, I want to enjoy this!  I can’t wait until that day comes.

Beta#2 to follow….

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Wow, yesterday really did happen!

I woke up this morning thinking maybe yesterday didn’t happen at all.  Maybe I dreamed about a BFP.  The first thing I did this morning was look at those tests again and check this blog.  To confirm it was all real.  I took another test this morning and the line is still there, and maybe even a little darker.  It is so surreal.  So many emotions right now.

The strangest one has to be a feeling of guilt.  Yes.  Guilt.  I know it sounds a little strange but it feels like all of a sudden, in the blink of an eye, I’ve been catapulted over a huge wall.  From ttc to…well, I can’t even say it yet.  I know all too well the struggles of ttc.  I’m well of aware of those friends who are still ttc and those who are going through so much more to create the miracle of life.  I know the pain of hearing yet another person you know is pregnant.  And that feeling sucks.  And now, I may be causing that pain for some of my dear friends.  I don’t like it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful for where I’m at, but I can’t forget what I’ve been through and what so many of you are still going through.

After posting yesterday I was acutely aware that although I’m sure you may be truly happy for me, that it hurts too.  I will not sit here on a soap box and tell you it will happen to you someday.  I will not shout from the rooftops.

But I will be here, and will slowly get used to the idea that I may be on the other side of the wall.  I hope that you will all join me for the ride.  And know that you are all in my thoughts.

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A little about instincts…

Today was our IVF consult with our RE.  The consult was extremely informative and went really well.  Doc RE explained everything clearly and even had powerpoint slides and illustrations.  He answered all of our questions and took his time with us.  He did think that it might be worth it to give IUI with injectables a try before moving to IVF.  Since our insurance doesn’t cover IVF, that would be our most economical option at this point.

However, before leaving for our appointment my DH asked if I would just POAS just to see.  Well, I had a taken one yesterday and it was a BFN so I wasn’t inclined to oblige.  But he asked again about 5 minutes before we had to leave.  And just to appease, I did.  Imagine my shock when I saw this: 

Yep, that would be second line.  That’s the first time I’ve seen one, well, ever.  Even after seeing it, I still didn’t believe it. 

But we went to our IVF appointment and still discussed all our options – just in case.  When I told RE about the test, he immediately wanted to do another urine test, but I needed to fill up first.  So during our consult, I loaded up on water and away I went.  The sample looked the same way coming out as it did going in.  After a few minutes of waiting for the results, the doc announced it was negative.

He took some bloodwork too which I’ll have the numbers on tomorrow.  He did say they could do a quick “cheat” test with it and use it almost as a urine test by spinning the sample.  He would call me in 15 minutes with that result.  I wasn’t expecting much.

Just as I’m getting in the car following our appt, the doc comes running across the street to meet us and says “you may want to hold onto this.”  It was the urine test.  And it was positive. With my diluted pee.

I got a call about the initial bloodwork and that looked positive too!

The only concern is it may all be positive because of my trigger shot.  I do know from last cycle it was out of my system by 9dpiui.  Now I’m 12dpiui (but the doc said I was “plus 13” so they must count from the day of the trigger).

I go back for another beta on Thursday.

I want to be happy, but honestly, I really don’t believe it yet.  I’m not sure when exactly that will happen (if it happens).

Bean, if you really exist (and I truly hope you do), please STAY PUT!

So remember when I said I thought this cycle was “different?”  Well, I guess it is. 🙂

Update on beta to follow tomorrow….

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