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Archive for August, 2010

Onto happier things

I’m feeling a bit better these days.  Though not happy about the burden of planning the shower, I’m going to try and make the best of it and do what we can.  Many thanks to all my BBC and blogging friends for advice and words of wisdom.  It was a great comfort and help me get some things in perspective.

Now, onto more fun baby-centric things.  Like planning the nursery!!  We picked up our baby furniture this weekend which is currently camped out in the garage while we attempt to clean out the future baby room.  We’ve have two free bedrooms that have become collections for all things that didn’t fit in other rooms of the house.  So we now have to basically clean and consolidate the two to make room for the nursery.

My current project is trying to find some baby boy bedding that doesn’t completely repulse me.  Honestly, the choices out there for boy bedding leave a little to be desired.  That or they are $800 sets, which I refuse to succumb to.

So far, I’ve found a handful of things I really like.  I think I’ll do sort of a baby animal or jungle animal theme.

Jungle Friends Nursery Bedding

I have been belaboring over this bedding decision for a couple of weeks now, but I’m determined to place an order this week.  Otherwise, I’ll never make a decision.  I can’t wait to get started!

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And the plot thickens

So my hubby talked to his mom last night about this whole shower business.  And she is concerned about the hard feelings it may create if she plans the shower.  So the hubs has decided that we will plan the shower ourselves.  Now I know the rules of etiquette say that throwing a shower for yourself is tacky – and I tend to agree.  So I just don’t know what to do.  Besides, there is the extra expense and time involved in planning it ourselves.

Look, I know it’s just a silly party.  And I know what REALLY matters.  My baby and my husband.  That’s what it’s all about.  Part of me doesn’t give a shit about a party.  But part of me is also sad and disappointed.  And envious.  I want to share this happy occasion with my family.

But maybe I’m being unrealistic in my expectations?  Am I being irrational to think that my mom may want to do something nice for her daughter?

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Baby shower drama….

Before I get into the details, here’s a little background.  I come from a seriously…and I mean seriously dysfunctional family (though I know we’re all a little dysfunctional -ha!).  My parents divorced when I was 3 and spent my entire life putting me in the middle of their spats and thereby depriving me of many things because of their stubbornness and anger for each other.

My father is also bipolar, which can be quite a challenge to deal with. My mom remarried when I was 10 and got divorced again a couple of years ago.  She’s since moved to within 20 minutes of me (and works a mile from our house), but I still never see her.

Most of my extended family lives quite a distance away and we’re just not the close-knit type.

My hubby’s family, on the other hand, is a very large, mostly local, very close knit Italian family.  They have taken me in as one of their own and I’m eternally grateful to them for showing me what a family is all about.

A couple of months back when I first found out I was pregnant, my mom (without being asked) offered up the news that she will not be throwing me a baby shower because it’s “not appropriate for the grandmother to throw a shower.”  It was so early, I didn’t pay much attention to the comment.  Oh and P.S.  this is the same woman who refused to throw me a bridal shower (my MIL did instead), didn’t come early or stay late or help with the shower in any way.  She showed up as any other guest.

My MIL knows how my family is and is perfectly willing to throw me a shower, but doesn’t understand why my mom refuses to do anything for me.  So this past weekend at our little gender reveal party, she put mom on the spot and asked what her plans were for doing a shower.

So I talk to my mom last night and she proceeds to complain about MIL’s comments stating that she can’t afford to throw a shower, it’s not her job (she says one of my “friends” should throw me a shower) and she’s highly offended at MIL’s questioning.  My mom even went so far as to tell me that this practice of mothers throwing a shower is an Italian thing and no one else in the world does this – but according to her  I’m so wrapped up in this “Italian” life that I wouldn’t know the difference (P.S. my dad is Italian and so am I)

So after a lot of back and forth with her, it appears no progress has been made.  She’s mad and she apparently doesn’t have any desire to do anything for her daughter or grandson-to-be.  Period.

Now, I don’t need anything fancy.  I don’t need gifts.  This shower is not even for me.  It is in celebration of a brand new life that me and my husband are so overjoyed about.  It has taken us so long to get here and we want to share every moment with our families.

I spent hours crying my eyes out last night.  I know I should be used to this by now, but it never seems to get any easier.  I guess I also expect that someday, my family will surprise me and act like they give a shit.  But I’m only left alone, disappointed and hurt.

And feeling guilty too.  I feel like I am forever burdening my in-laws.

Now I feel like I just don’t even want to invite my mom to a shower, should my MIL choose to throw one.  Why should she be allowed to wander in, head held high as the proud grandma?

So something as simple as a baby shower that is supposed to be a happy occasion, has turned into something negative and a source of stress for me.

I can say that what I have learned through all of this is how NOT to treat my children.  I guess, thanks for that, Mom.

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Sorry for the suspense.  The camera containing the pics from Saturday night was MIA for a couple of days – ha.  Preggo brain!

Anyway….here it is….

BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cutting into that cake and pulling out a blue-iced knife was one of the most thrilling moments of my life.  It was so special to get to share that event with our families.

Now that we know we will be welcoming a little boy into the world in just a few short months, I’m so thrilled to begin all the fun preparations.  We’ve ordered this beautiful set of furniture for the nursery that would should be picking up sometime this week:

Babi Italia Hamilton Convertible Crib - Chocolate - Babi Italia  - Babies"R"Us
The next task ahead is finding baby boy bedding, which so far has been a challenge for me.  I just can’t wait to get the little man’s room all ready for him!!

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It’s a……

??

How’s that for an answer!  Ha!  Just merely trying to give you the feeling of suspense I had for the couple of days before we found out 🙂  Instead of finding out the sex during our ultrasound on Thursday, we made a last minute decision to have the tech write down the gender and put it in an envelope.  We promptly delivered the envelope to our local baker and asked him to make a cake containing either blue or pink icing.

We then invited both our families over on Saturday for dinner so that we could all partake in the experience!!  While I do know the sex as of now, I’d like to post the results with pics so details to follow later today! 🙂

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