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Archive for February, 2010

7dpiui and going nutty!!

Why do we have to wait 2 weeks?  Honestly.  With all the technology around.  Can they just take a camera and look in there or do SOMETHING?  Geez.  I’m not a very patient personally generally, but I feel like I’ve paid my dues already.  We’ve been trying for so long.  When is it going to be my turn? *whine*

Ok I’m done.

Maybe that’s the hormones talking, but I sure wish they would stop.  I also dealing with a mild case of OHSS – Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome – and I can tell you it’s not too pleasant.  Cramping, aching, bloating, and feeling generally pretty nasty.

I really hope that once my butt is settled into my comfy Florida-bound JetBlue seat on Saturday, that my mind will be distracted and I can stop thinking about whether or not I’m pregnant.  The first IUI BFN was hard and I don’t think this one (if that happens), will feel quite as bad, but I still dread it.  4 follicles and good sperm counts.  Our best chance yet, and maybe ever.

Other than that, I’ve got the usual “I could be pregnant” or “I’m about to get my period” symptoms.  Sore boobs (which are actually itchy too – weird) and some occasional cramping.  The cramping could be related to the OHSS, but I don’t think so – they feel different.  Every so once and a while, for a very quick second, I feel an AF-like cramp.  But it’s so quick, I don’t have time to concentrate on it.  Anyway, like everything else, it  could mean anything.

I’m really looking forward to vacation tomorrow.  The hubs and I can really use some relaxation.  I’ll try and post at least once while I’m away – hopefully with news of a BFP 🙂

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IUI#2…and into the 2ww

Ok, I know I’m a little late posting.  I’m sure you’ve all been waiting with bated breath.  NOT!  Ok, anyway, so this time around went much better for my DH.  Part 1 of our IUI, we had 7 mil motile and part 2, 5.5 mil.  So all in all, I feel pretty good about it.

So I’m 4dpiui today and I’m feeling this weird cramp/twing thingy on my right side.  I know it’s too early for anything and I haven’t even googled what it could be.  But it certainly does make a gal wonder.

This IUI feels so much different than the last.  I’m not nearly as excited.  Or nervous.  I just am here…waiting.  DH, me and my mom are leaving for sunny Florida on Saturday to visit my darling grandma.  That has been a pretty good distraction I guess too.  I started washing summer clothes and packing a little this weekend.  So the second half of my 2ww will be spent on the beach!!

That begs the question – bring pregnancy tests on the trip with me or not??

Silly.  Like I don’t already know what I’m going to do.  Definitely bringing some.  If my LP is the same as last month, I should get AF on 2/26.  That will be exactly 14 days from my first IUI.  I’m going to try and hold out until then to test.  Hopefully, I’m busy enough that I won’t be thinking about it before then.

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Uhhhh triplets?

So I had my u/s this morning after my first round of Femara.  Despite the week-long headache, the side effects really weren’t too bad.  I actually was starting to think maybe it wasn’t working because I wasn’t feeling anything. 

Boy was I wrong.

The RE saw4 follicles, a couple at 18mm and a couple at 17mm.  Well I was feeling pretty good about that.  Until the RE sat down and let out a long sigh while looking at my chart.  She said well, you have 4, and I have to tell you that there’s a possibility of triplets.  She warned me the hazards and dangers for both the mother and children in higher order births.  Then she asked how I felt about selective reduction should I become pregnant with multiples.  She was looking for answer to that question right then and there.  All I could think was WOAH, slow down lady.  Shouldn’t I be happy there’s a couple in there?  This lady scared the crap out of me.  She really wanted me to cancel my cycle, though she wouldn’t come right out and say it.

But I decided to go ahead anyway.  I don’t know what is going to happen, but I figure the chances of twins or triplets is still pretty small.  Luckily, my wonderful nurse talked with me after the doc left and said she thought I made the right decision – and it was just something the doc had to warn me about.

Of course, now it’s all I can think about.  And it’s something else to worry about.

In the meantime, I’m scheduled for my IUIs tomorrow and Saturday mornings!!  My current worry (gosh there’s a lot of them, isn’t there?) is what our numbers will be this weekend.  Last time at 1mil and 14 mi, they weren’t so hot.  I really hope we far surpass that this time.  Especially for the first IUI – I think that’s kinda the more critical one.

Wish me luck!

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Wow! An Award? For Moi?

Oooh la la….

[Beautiful_Blogger_Award.jpg]

My dear friends Amanda, Sarah,and Elise have bestowed upon me this totally sweet award!   So exciting.  In all honesty, I don’t know how I would have gotten through the last couple of months without them and others who have shown the most amazing support and compassion.  For you all, I am truly grateful.

The instructions that go along with this award are as follows:
•Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
•Copy the award and place it in your blog
•Link the person who nominated you for this award.
•Tell us 7 interesting things about you
•Nominate 7 bloggers
•Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

Here are 7 interesting things about me (I’m pretty boring, hope I can find 7 things, even if they’re not so interesting):

1.  I am addicted to reality TV – The Bachelor, American Idol, Kardashians, Jersey Shore, Teen Mom (apparently, I like to torture myself).

2.  I have a degree in psychology and absolutely love the study of psychiatric conditions and medications.  I always wanted to be a psychologist in private practice, but couldn’t dedicate myself to the extended amount of schooling.

3.  My grandmother is my rock.  She has always been like a mother to me and practically raised me.  My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mom worked quite a bit during those years to support us.  Grandma was always there and I love her dearly.

4.  I am a carb-ahololic.  Bread, pasta, cake.  Those are my three favorite food groups.  I could live on it – not healthily probably, but happily.

5.  This is going to sound terrible, but I think I like animals more than people.  My dog is the center of my life.  I can watch any movie with murder and mayhem, but anything where an animal gets hurt or there is even a suggestion it might, I’m outta there.   I can instantly connect with any animal – people, I have a harder time with that….

6.  I dream of moving to Italy and living in a little cottage, surrounded by my garden and a grape vine.  Diane Lane in Under the Tuscan Sun – seems like a perfect life to me.

7.  Although I’m neither a good singer nor a great dancer, I would have loved to be able to make a career out of both.  For now, I guess I’ll live with singing in the shower and dancing while I clean.

To pay it forward, I nominate the following Bloggers:

1.  Amanda – She also nominated me, but this is not just a courtesy.  Amanda is one of the strongest, most amazing women I know.  Amanda has suffered a number of losses recently, but always seems to find the strength and positivity within her to try again.  I know she will achieve all that she wants.  Wish her the best!

2.  BYOB – A great friend of mine who is celebrating the recent success of her first IVF cycle.  Her blog is witty and heartwarming.  Please stop by and wish her the best in her journey.

3.  Sarah – another wonderful friend who has always been there when I needed her, is also dealing with MFI while juggling the purchase of their first home and going through her own diagnostic procedures.  Check it out and lend your support.

4. The Road to Motherhood – I’m a new reader to this one but I can tell you her posts are relatable and funny!  I know we will be a great support to each other.

5.  Brandles – An incredible woman who has been TTC for quite some time and recently suffered a loss all while in school obtaining her Ph.D.  She’s now back TTC again.  Please wish her well!

6.  Peesticksandstones – After an incredibly arduous journey, she welcomed her little boy into the world in June.  Her resilience is truly an inspiration.

7.  Suzy – Suzy is dealing with azoo, PCOS and endo while TTC.  Despite all those challenges, she remains optimistic and her posts are often a good distraction from all things TTC.

Thanks everyone for reading!!  Oh and I hit 90 readers with my last post – woo hooo!!!  Thanks all for your support.  I had my follie check u/s this morning and I’ll post the results of that later 😉

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I love my husband dearly.  I truly do.  But he is honestly the most accident-prone person I’ve ever met.  Since we’ve been married, he’s made no less than 6 trips to the emergency room.  4 within the last two years.  There was the time he got his hand caught in a swinging door and nearly broke his ring finger; the time he caught his foot under a pallet (sp?) at work and damn near ripped the nail off his big toe, passing out at work due to high blood pressure and his most recent folly today.  He was taking in the delivery truck this morning (he is the operations manager for a large discount retailer) and threw out his back.

I got yet another phone call, this time from his sister, telling me he was on the way to the hospital.  He’s ok, but in lots of pain.  I know it’s not funny, but I couldn’t help but laugh at him.  I have never been in an ambulance in my life (knock on wood) .  Total lifetime, he’s got me beat probably 15-0.

I told him this morning next time, he should ask for a limo instead of an ambulance.  Considering the deductible, it would be cheaper.  And at least he would arrive in style.

That and who the heck is going to shovel the foot of snow we’re going to get tomorrow??  I guess I better start warming up for that now. 🙂

This accident-prone-ness is one thing I hope our kids don’t inherit.  And his feet.  Please no, not the Fred Flinstone feet.

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Out of the darkness

I was just reading through my last post and was realized how bad of a place I was in a couple of days ago.  I’m feeling much better now, thank you.  Although I still feel a little disappointment, it no longer consumes me.  Maybe that’s because I’m so focused on these darn headaches these new meds are giving me.  Although I much prefer the Femara to Clomid.  So far no hot flashes or crazy mood swings (at least I don’t think so – maybe I should ask hubby about that one) 🙂

So I’m trying to be positive and praying this is the month for me.  It looks as if the IUIs may happen over Valentine’s Day weekend!  How cute would that be?  Oh wait, let me be careful – that may be just a little too “perfect” and I don’t want to get my hopes up.

It’s amazing how jaded this whole process can make you.  I have a friend who just went through her first IVF cycle and got pregnant.  But instead of being ecstatic and hopeful and dreaming of all things baby, she’s more worried about remaining pregnant, despite through the roof beta numbers.  As sure as I am that she is fine and will have her perfect little one in a couple of months, I can’t say that I blame her.  We are all so cognizant of how intricate this process is and of all the things that can go wrong, we are constantly worrying.  But perhaps, that will make us even more appreciative than most of the joyous miracle that we will someday all have!

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Failure sucks!!

So Friday I started to have some brown spotting and that started to worry me.  12 days post-IUI and I get another BFN.  I was starting to feel really down.  But some friends had suggested that it could just be implantation bleeding.  On Saturday, the cramps intensified quite a bit – worse than any I’ve ever had before.  The brown spotting got heavier, but no period.  I really felt like AF was coming and I kept telling everyone that I knew that the IUI didn’t work.

Saturday night we had plans to head to my aunt’s house for her son’s 18th birthday party.  I wasn’t really in a partying mood and my cramps were so bad, I was often doubled over.  I prayed the whole car ride there, that I wouldn’t get my period while we were there.

About halfway through the evening I headed to the restroom only to discover that exactly what I had feared was happening.  It was over.  And confirmed.  IUI#1 failed.  I could barely keep my composure long enough to ask my husband if we could leave.  Everyone at the party knew something was up – but we just tried to tell them I wasn’t feeling good.  And I wasn’t.

I cried the entire ride home.  Feeling sorry for myself.  And feeling like maybe there was something I didn’t do that I should have.  Was there somewhere I went wrong?  Should I have taken baby aspirin?  Maybe those couple of estrogen pills I took a little off-schedule caused this?  It just doesn’t seem possible.  Rationally, I know there’s only a 20% chance every cycle.  But part of me asked the question – how could this not work?  Everything so well-timed and thought out.  So I guess no matter how much I told everyone I knew it didn’t work, I still held out a little hope.  And that little light was turned off in an instant.

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