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Archive for March, 2010

fertility necklace.  Honestly.  A couple of good friends of mine who are ttc are passing around an African fertility necklace that promises, well, to boost fertility.  So far, of the two women who’ve worn it, both are pregnant.  One of these women after having suffered through numerous painful lossses.

I’m not normally a supersticious type person, but I must say my interest is piqued.  So I Googled the necklace and discovered it looks something like a totem pole with what looks like a strangely misplaced penis.  Hmm.  Well, probably not the most attractive thing to walk around wearing but well worth it if it works.  Heck, I might even make my husband wear one.  And fill my house with mini statutes.  And maybe put a really big one on the front lawn.  Wonder if I can find that on Amazon….

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P.S.

I “posted” that last post from my iPod last night but apparently I did something wrong because it didn’t actually post.  Think I got it working now.  Sorry for the cliffhanger!

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Insanity defined

Ok so I’m updating from my iPhone because I’m too lazy to turn my computer on. I apologize in advance for spelling mistakes.

Up until this morning I really wasn’t thinking too much about this IUI cycle. I suppose I’ve gotten a bit numb to the process. But this morning walking onto the RE office I began to feel that nervous little twinge again.

This morning we had another borderline 5mil count sample. I won’t lie, I was disappointed. Don’t they say the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over and expecting a different result? So it’s official. I’ve lost my mind. I don’t know why but every time the doc hands over that paper I expect that some miracle will happen and those numbers will skyrocket. I am still waiting.

So we joined our 5mil little sperm with my one measley egg and hope and pray this is the one. I do return for another IUI tomorrow, but I’m told it’s the first one that is most important. So here again I embark on yet another 2ww.

We are also beginning to talk about our next steps should this fail. Another partially covered IUI with injectibles? Or the uncovered, expensive IVF with a much higher success rate?

Well that’s a story for another post…

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Ok so my last post was about how lovely the weather was here in CT a couple weeks ago…well, last week was probably the worst weather I’ve ever seen.  Let me give you an idea:

For four days, it rained.  And winds of 70 miles an hour tore off roofs, fences and caused massive amounts of destruction as trees were ripped from their roots and toppled houses, cars and well, anything else in their paths.  I myself was without power for 4 days but many more waited a week for power to return.  Schools were closed all last week.  Thankfully, the damage to our property was minimal.  A couple of lost roof tile, parts of a fence and some tree limbs.  No one was hurt, thank goodness.  But I am sure am glad that life is finally getting back to normal.

In other news, I saw Dr. RE this morning and it looks like my follies are growing quite well, but they’re not ready yet.  I had a couple 14s and 15s.  The doc thinks we’ll have 3 mature in a couple of days.  So I return on Wednesday for another check and hopefully, we’ll get a shot at IUI #3 later this week!!

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The weather here in Connecticut the last couple of days has been absolutely gorgeous!  Dare I say almost spring-like.  I ventured out at lunch today and took a stroll to lovely Cove Beach in Stamford.  Here’s a pic from my Blackberry (yes, I did bring this on  my relaxing walk at the beach):

There’s no better feeling than getting outside on that first really nice day as spring approaches.  I would liken it to Kathryn Bigelow’s shock and elation at winning Best Director at this year’s Oscars.   After such a long and rough winter, the shock and excitement at the promise of nicer days is unexplainable.

I imagine that someday, when I finally get that positive pregnancy test, it will feel something like this.  Except way way better.

Happy almost-spring everyone!

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4 + 7,000,000 + 5,500,000 = zero

I’m sure all of my school math teachers would give me a failing grade on that one.  But that my friends, is real-life math.

All of those wonderful numbers and it still means no baby for me.  That dreadful bitch AF showed up on Friday – right at the tail-end of my almost perfect vacation.  I was really devastated with the first BFN – but this one hurts just as bad, but in a different way.  There were no days of crying.  This is more days of silent depression.  Exhaustion.  Disbelief.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more down.  I’m usually really good at getting over things quickly and moving on.  But I just can’t shake it this time.

I went back to my RE yesterday and discovered I have two large ovarian cysts brought on by my last cycle.  So now I have to wait at least another 2 weeks before even thinking about starting another IUI cycle.  I’m back on birth control for now.  Didn’t think I would see those pills for a while.

I’m hoping and  praying that will clear things up and we can take another shot at IUI at the end of this month.  That feels like an eternity away right now.  I barely feel able to drag myself out of bed to go to work in the  morning.  I just can’t even see a light at the end of the tunnel right now.  I know it’s there somewhere, but I’m just not feeling it.

The RE suggested another Femara IUI and then an injectible cycle if that one fails.  We also plan to have an IVF consult after my next IUI.  That’s an option I don’t look forward to – and one I can’t afford.  I hope it doesn’t come to that.

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